I Don't Know you, but I Love You

It's hard to believe that it has been WELL over a year since I have written anything. I have/had great intentions for this blog, but I get busy with other things and I constantly lay it aside. But alas, here I am again and let me tell you why NOW...

I have an Aunt who is from England, and lives there. I have never met her (but I sure hope to one day very soon), but I feel connected to her because she is my family. I love her...some people may not understand this ..."how could you love someone that you have never met?" But you see, she is my flesh and blood, she is my Aunt and despite not ever meeting her, I know she is my family and I feel it.

There is someone else that I love, but I have yet to meet. His name is Jonah Maverick. I have felt him kick and roll. Laughed at the rhythm of his hiccups. Saw his chubby cheeks through his US and imagined what & who he might possibly look like. I have seen his mama and daddy grin with excitement at the anticipation of his arrival & look at me with weary eyes, wondering if the day will EVER come, that he will make his grand appearance. This little man is my grandson. I have yet to meet him. But you see, he is my flesh and blood. Part of me. I love him!

As I wrote this, I started with a whole different thought...and then, this thought came to me. God knew me and loved me before I was even a part of this world. His word says:

 Before I formed you in the womb I knew you... Jeremiah 1:5

How could HE know ME, when I wasn't even born??
You know why? Because I am His flesh and blood. I am a child of the King. His son died for me.

 And you know what? He did that for ALL OF YOU TOO! What an amazing fact that is! The creator of the universe loved ME & YOU ... BEFORE we were even a thought.

I love my Aunt because she is my blood.
I love Jonah because he is my blood.
God loves me because I am His blood.
I have gotten to know my aunt a bit better talking to her and emailing her.
I have gotten to know Jonah a bit more, by feeling his kicks and hearing his heart beat.
I need to get to know my God better.
Read His word.
Pray.
Worship.
Intentionally seek Him.

So, what does all that have to do with my aunt and writing in this blog again? Well, she said to me the other day, as I was asking people on facebook about the best place to host my decorating blog, "forgive my ignorance, but what is a blog?". I explained it to her a bit and sent her the links to this blog, my decorating blog (notjustnanashouse.blogspot.com) and to Melodie's blog. Soon after, she sent me a message and said she had read through my blog and it caused tears to fall. It made me stop and think. It made me go back and read my blog posts. And it made me see how even though I have not known my God like I should, He has known me. He has blessed me. He has loved me.

So here I am once again, writing and sharing my heart. My heart that longs to be closer to the God that loved me before I was conceived, loves me today and will love me for all eternity.

Just like I love my Aunt...

Just like I love my Jonah...

To The Moon

I have been thinking I should write something for a few days, maybe even a week or two, but kept putting it off. I couldn't think of much to say, when in reality, I am quite positive that I have a million things to say, but couldn't decide which one to choose. Anyway, I just finished reading my daughter's blog and it hit me...here is what I need to say...

I
MISS
YOU
NIKKI

I miss your smile.

I miss your hugs.

I miss your cookies.

I miss you feeding your horses. ;o)

I miss you helping me cook.

I miss you cooking for me.

I miss your help in the kitchen.

I miss hearing you talk & be silly with your little brother.

I miss you & Mel being goofy girls together.

I miss your laughter.

I even miss your grumpiness. :o)

I miss you driving for me, cuz I hate to drive.

I miss EVERYTHING about you!

BUT, with that being said.

I

AM

PROUD

OF

YOU

I am proud that you can listen & hear God's still small voice.

I am proud that you stepped out of your comfort zone in SO many ways.

I am proud that you are being the constant in the life of a little boy who has been through so much.

I am proud that you are writing.

I am proud that you are finding yourself.

I am proud that you have given up so much to help others.

I am proud that you have put GOD first.

I am proud that you are letting God use you.

and most of all...

I

AM

BLESSED

to have been given an incredible gift from God! I can't even begin to tell you how much you mean to me and how dear you are to this mom's heart! I am honored and completely humbled that I was chosen to be your mom.

I

LOVE

YOU

NIKKI

TO THE MOON....

AND BACK AGAIN!

ALWAYS and FOREVER!

AND A DAY AFTER THAT!

God is Changing Us...

So, I wasn't planning to write anything today, but I can't stop thinking that for some reason I should. Not sure what words are going to be spoken on this page, it may just be a jumbled mess of thoughts, but here they are...

I had a very long conversation with a dear dear friend who is facing one of THE most difficult times in her life and you know what I kept hearing her say again and again and again...

"I am trusting God"
"I am praying daily"

This same friend was there for me a few years ago when I was also facing a similar situation. She is so godly and so wise. I see her and think that she could be bitter, angry, revengful
But, NO...
She is trusting God.

And YES...
She is sad, hurt, lonely and broken.

But you know what... God is going to use her. She is committed and faithful and God sees that in her and HE will be glorified in the end. He will bless her and He will see her through. NO matter the outcome!
GOD IS CHANGING HER!

In a few weeks, my second daughter will begin the journey of starting her own life and seeking out God's plans for her. One week from today, she will leave our home to help my Aunt with her grandson for several months. Then, home for a few weeks and off to college she goes. She has been praying and seeking and asking God for HIS plan, for HIS will, for HIS desires to be met in her life.
She is growing.
She is leaping.
She is moving on.
GOD IS CHANGING HER!

A few weeks ago, my youngest daughter spent two weeks fasting from someone in order to seek God in their relationship. To make sure that it was right. That it was ok. She prayed.
She sought advice from godly women.
She cried.
She wrote letters to her past and to her future.
She sought forgiveness.
What 15 year old would do this? What 17 year old would do this?
God is working in her life. God is showing her
HE is AMAZING!
HE is FAITHFUL.
HE is FORGIVING.
And through HIM, all this can be done right. A relationship between two people, CAN glorify Him.
GOD IS CHANGING HER!

Another dear friend lost her twin sister, less than a year ago. She cried and she mourned and we all prayed for God to..
heal her hurt.
To lessen her pain.
To comfort her heart.
Recently, she had some time to allow God to truly begin to heal her. Her heart is hurting a little less and a little less each day. The sadness is turning to beautiful wonderful memories that she can now see with joy and not so much sorrow.
GOD IS CHANGING HER!

By nature, I am a worrier. I have been told again and again...

BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD!

I KNOW that...but did I trust that?
NOPE...not at all! I could say it, but they were just words. Things were placed in my life consistently, so that I could BE STILL.
BUT, again and again,
time after time,
situation after situation...
I worried.
I didn't trust HIM.
Til recently.
I was faced with a hard choice.
I prayed.
I asked for prayer.
I cried.
I shared my concerns with my husband.
I listened to wise women.
I prayed and prayed and prayed.
I KNEW the answer.
I knew my choice.

THIS TIME...
I was STILL.
This time...
I KNEW that HE WAS GOD.
This time...
I TRUSTED HIM!
I DIDN't worry.

I still don't have an answer. But you know what...that's ok! I AM OK with that!
You know why, because...
GOD IS CHANGING ME!

Mr & Mrs Chad Duncan

So, I started this just as an update on the Weir Family facebook page and it became rather lengthy...So, someone wise said to me "Why don't you just blog and put a link to your blog on the page?" Thanks Steph! :o)

The wedding day was completely unstressful and such a great day! It was cloudy and that was an answer to Mel's prayers. Why? Because "clouds are better for outdoor pictures!" Of COURSE...why didn't I think of that! :o)

We got up and just relaxed, sitting around with coffee and snacks, just talking and having a great time together. After Stephanie finished Lyssa's hair and all of us getting ourselves ready, a little bit at a time, we went to the church to get Lys in her dress, take some pictures and get ready to walk that isle. Were we ready for this? I kept asking Scott and neither one of us could answer...

I didn't cry until I went to get Scott to see his beautiful daughter ready and waiting in her dress, to be given away by him and myself. Then the tears fell...How can it be possible that the little baby that God gave to us just over 18 years ago, was going to be a wife? She really was ready to leave us and cleave to her husband. There she was, standing on the other side of the door, I opened it up and her Dad was completely in awe of how beautiful she was...truly shining from the inside out! The tears were tears of joy, that God had given us such an amazing gift for a short time. He trusted us with this baby, who was now a woman.

HE...
trusted...
US!

I think we did ok. I think that God was smiling down from heaven, because even though we weren't perfect as parents, here she was, trusting God with her life. Her new life as Mrs Chad Duncan. I can't say that at that moment, I wasn't proud. Because I was...I was SO proud. I was proud that my daughter had chosen a man of God to be her husband. That they together were seeking Him. Proud that she went through so much and could easily be bitter and far away from God, but she chose to draw in closer to Him. Proud that her beauty was from the inside and not just outward. Proud that God had chosen US to be her parents. It was a pride that came from God, not because of anything I had done, or Scott & I had done, but what GOD had done THROUGH us! I was so thankful and so grateful to have been given such a blessing, that I think at that moment, my question was answered...we were ready to let go, BUT, let go for God's purpose for her...for God's plan for them.

Well, enough of the mushy stuff... :o)

The ceremony was candlit and beautful! Small, just the way they wanted it, with just the closest of family and friends. Everyone smiling and laughing and everyone there to wish the happy couple the best for their future together. They had their first dance, shoved entire cupcakes into one another's mouths, took beautiful pictures and off they went...

Mr and Mrs Chad Duncan.

It was an incredible day...for us all!

Trusting God...

Trusting God...what does this mean to me?
Why do I seem to be faced with this over and over again?
Maybe because it's hard for me?
Maybe because I haven't learned this to the fullest extent?
I don't know...
and yet, here I am again...
facing a difficult decision and trying to figure out what to do...

I have been given an ultimatum...I talked to my husband, I thought we had made a decision based on a few factors and yet, I was "punched in the gut" (the words of my daughter), by something someone said to me this morning...

"You need to trust God! When you do what honors Him, He will bless you! You may have to take a leap of faith in order to get this blessing, but in the end, He will take care of you!"

You see, I should KNOW this! I was faced with a difficult decision a few years ago, and you know what....I trusted Him then, and He blessed me...I put my faith in Him and He showed me that He is faithful...I let Him be first and He took care of me. He BLESSED me in more ways that I could even begin to imagine. My pastor read this morning that God knows the number of hairs on my head. He knows when the sparrow falls. Then how much more will my Heavenly Father take care of me?

I began to get excited and down right scared at the thought of what this might look like. Of what it "could" mean for me... for my family.
I cannot lie....
it freaked me out...
it made me panic...
it excited me...
it made me think...

I thought that my decision was made. I thought I knew what I "had" to do. I thought it was all figured out. But, guess what? I am second guessing my decision.

WHY?!

If I change and go the other direction, it will not only effect me, it will effect my family, our finances, our lives...BUT, it will be a leap of faith...it will be putting my family first...it will be...

TRUSTING GOD.
COMPLETELY.
WHOLLY.
WITH ALL THAT I AM.
TRUSTING.

Does He have more for me that I may miss out on? Does He have a better plan? If I stick with my original decision, will I miss out on His blessings for me, for my family? Is this me and my selfish desires that are taking over? Is it Him?

I have been praying throughout the day...I have been asking God,
"What are you telling me?"
"What am I supposed to do?"

The answer is not yet clear, but I know that if I am seeking Him, no matter what I choose, He will bless me. I am confused right now and I am asking Him to show me, to reveal to me what He is trying to teach me through this entire situation. I pray that it will be completely clear...completely revealed...

God give me the eyes to see and the ears to hear WHATEVER it is to learn this lesson that I have yet to learn...

"TRUST ME" ~ GOD

"Right" Side of the Bed

Getting Up on the “Right” side of the Bed (January 15th, 2010)


So, it is late and I am sitting here trying to put my words on paper and don’t really know where to begin….

Yesterday was a horrible day…it started off wrong and ended wrong.
So, determined, I went to bed and I WAS going to get up on the “right” side of the bed tomorrow…

My daughter’s fiancée found out last night that he would be leaving for Haiti today to help with the repair of things after the earthquake. It ended up that he was not going to have to leave until Saturday and that is what started the ball rolling….

The wedding is just 5 weeks away from today and the unknown of whether Chad would be back in time or not began to set in for Alyssa. We started talking about getting the marriage license in time for the wedding… how and if all that could happen. The next thing I know…Alyssa is calling me to say they are just going to go to the court house and get married…just them…WOW!
I didn’t know what to say…I thought I was ok with it. I called Scott…He was speechless. He asked that I let him know….keep him updated. I sent a text to Alyssa. I wanted to be there.

I tried to explain my feelings, to explain that it meant the world to me to be there. NO, this wasn’t their wedding…but still, they were “getting married”. This is my little girl…spreading her wings…flying away…leaving our home…It mattered…It mattered more that I realized!

I was there…Scott and I did get to go….and now here we are.

At home.

There is happiness for her.

Sadness for us.

Pride for who she has become.

Worry for who she will be.

Deep love for all of us.

I hear her sisters & brother say it doesn’t seem real….cuz they weren’t there. I hear Alyssa say…it’s not “really” my wedding. I understand her. I understand them. I am happy for her. I am sad for them.

I am torn between two sets of feelings and torn between my children. I am their mother and my heart is in two….

So, did I get up on the “right” said of the bed?

NO….
and Yes….

Today was my daughter’s wedding day….


January 17th, 2010

It's a better day today! We have talked, prayed, laughed, cried and heard God say "Be Still! I am God"..."Trust in Me!" We are happy for Alyssa & Chad and look forward to seeing what God is going to do through and for them.

Life goes on for us all....and has begun for them...

I love you Alyssa...always and forever...unconditionally....to the moon and back again!

What is love?

...and now these three remain, faith, hope and love. But the great of these is love.

So, I was asked the other day by someone dear to my heart..."What is true love?" I have really been thinking about that lately and have a few thoughts, but not sure if this is my definition or something that we could all define as "true love"...

I have had the joy of watching my oldest daughter "fall in love" and find the one that God has placed in her life to be her husband. I think that is what has gotten him (my husband) thinking about the meaning of true love and it makes me think back to the first time that I KNEW that Scott was the one for me, my true love.

The day I saw the young boy that I had "loved" changed into a man. The day that he sent me my promise ring safety pinned to a card. The day he took me to overlook the beautiful city and asked me to be his wife. The day I saw him at the end of the aisle, waiting for me to become his wife. I never thought I could love him any more that I did...each and every one of those times. And now, here it is 21 years, 5 months and 3 days later and guess what? I love him even more today than I did then.

But...I know that this love, this long time love, is a different love than it was 20 years ago. This is the love that has withstood babies, toddlers, preteens and now teenagers. Loss of family members & friends. A season without a job, a time that we were so disconnected and really weren't much of a family. Living our lives without God & finally coming back to Him. Times of heartache and pain, joy and sorrow, laughter and tears. It was not an easy road, but I know that I can look back now and know that God placed each and every one of those things in my life for a reason.

It showed me the meaning of true love.

In my husband, my best friend, I found true love. He was my rock, when I couldn't stand. He was my comfort, when the tears kept falling. He was my laughter, when I didn't think I could smile anymore. He was my friend, when everyone turned their back on me. He was my soldier, fighting a battle, when I wanted to give up.

And you know what I started thinking about?...

In my God, my Heavenly Father, I also found true love. Because this is what GOD does for me...every day! Can you believe that? He does this for ME...for YOU!

He never gives up. He keeps loving and forgiving and asking me to come back. No matter how much I hurt Him, how much I forget about Him...HE IS RIGHT THERE! With arms held open wide...forgiving me again and again and again. I have learned through my husband, my marriage and MY GOD the meaning of

TRUE LOVE!